That Testicle Thing
by laocadia
Summary: Rinoa's giving birth (my computer insists on mispelling her name


Rinnai stood in the doorway of her apartment on board the floating Balamn Gardens. She was eighteen years old, very pretty and very very pregnant. "Owwwwwww!!!!" She clutched her stomach and began the breathing exercises trying to suck in oxygen for strength. Where was Squall was the only thing on her mind as her eyes saw only empty corriders and her ears picked nothing up but her own breathing. No one at all. She took another step and then howled again. She counted. Three minutes apart. 

Then she heard a rolling sound. Like rubber wheels on the rubber floor. 

It was Squall with a wheelchair. She sighed with relief.

"Your carriage, Madamn." He bowed and offered his arm. 

"Where's the…you know what." Rinnai stood still, her arms folded.

"The 'you-know-what" what?" He stared at her.

"I have to have it Squall. I can't think of going through labor without it. If you can't find it for me, if you don't have it, we'll have to do it with the real thing dearest."

Squall wondered about the 'dearest' part. "I'll check." He rushed past her inside the apartment. In the old Central mythology, Rinnai had been reading about an item all Centra mothers owned. It was a replica of male testicles. For some reason, when the women went into labor, nothing, medicines, alternative pain relivers nothing worked as well as having one of these artificial testicles in her hand where she could knead it and attempt to rip it, bite it if necessary, nothing worked quite as well as this did. It even shortened labor time. Rinnai from the moment she read about it, had to have it. Shortly after that she became pregnant.

Squall emerged from the apartment white faced and empty handed. "Let's get you to the infirmary first, then I'll come back here …it's got to be here somewhere…."

"I'm three minutes apart Squall!"

"Well, maybe they can give you something to arrest labor for awhile!" He coaxed her in the chair, clicked the safety and started off down the corrider to the circular hallway.

"Squall, I am so overdue, I don't want this labor arrested. For crying out loud! I"ve lived for this moment the past couple of months!"

"Come on now, it wasn't all that bad, was it?"  
  
"Oh you mean the back pain, the swollen legs, the constant, constant pee-ing the indiges….OWWWWWWW111111'

From a fast walk, Squall went to cruise or a medium trot. He understood Rinnai bore the brunt of the creation of this child of theirs, her body supplied it with nourishment, her body processed the baby's wastes

Protected the baby even though the discomfort grew steadily worse as time went on. Yes he helped when he could, the midnight 'yens' the massages, and then hunting all over for that damned artificial testicle. 

Actually, Irving found the testicle once Squall explained what it was he wanted. At first Irving was stumped. "Guys don't buy artificial testicles Squall!"

"Its not for me!' he shouted. "Its for Rinnai!"

"But she has you! She has the real thing!"

"Yes but you don't know what she wants to use it for!"

"Great Forces Squall! What could she possible use it for other than…"

"Irv, its for labor. She wants to hold onto it during labor, ok?"

"Really. Ok, ok, I'll get you one."

And he'd been as good as his word. It was life sized, it was made of a tough foam material which allowed it to bend in any direction but was durable and it was the most pleasing shade of pink Squall had ever seen.

"And having this in your hands is going to help in delivery of our baby?" He asked as he presented it to her.

"The Centra mothers were a tough breed, Squall. Tough but smart. They loved their men passionately, would not hesitate to die for them, but when it came time to give birth, Squall, they needed to have the instrument of their torture in their hands."

He wheeled her through the corrider into the infirmary.

"Oooowwwww!!!!!"

"Here we are Rinnai . Now just hold on till I get back!"

"MISTER111 you better not leave me now. When I'm laying there, my legs spread apart, twenty strange male students I've never even nodded to before is looking up my pussy and somebody says start pushing, Squall, you better have your fly open and my hands with easy access to your testicles."

"You don't mean that honey!"

"SOMEBODY GET ME AN UZI!!!!!!!OOOOOOwwwwww!!!!!"

Just then male nurses helped Rinnai out of the chair and lifted her onto the delivery cot. They drew the curtain and began helping her off with her clothes. "I'm warning you Squall!"

Dr. Kadawaki entered just then pulling on latex gloves. "Mother a little nervous, Squall?"

The lights seemed feverishly bright and the room hotter than the Balamn beach at noon. He stared straight at the doctor but she and the room began spinning. Then there was darkness and coolness and quietness.

"Fathers!" Dr. Kadawaki tched. "You there, go get me Quistis. Hurry!"

They had Rinnai in a cotton frontal gown, then folded the lower part up above her waist. One nurse had a cool wet cloth wiping Rinnai's forehead.

"And what' s it going to be, Mrs. Leonhart? A boy or girl?" Dr. K stretched Rinnai's thighs for a better look at the opening the baby was going to have to make it out of.

"Where's Squall?" She groaned.

"Passed out." The doctor took her stethescope and listed at the abdomen, then at Rinnai's heart. She poked and prodded and stood back. "Anytime now. When you feel the urge to push, go ahead and push."

"What about my epedermal?"

"You didn't want it remember? You said you had a secret weapon, that, that testicle thing."

"WE CAN'T FIND IT!"

"Well, its too lake now. The time has passed for an epedermal."

"Then prop Squall up so I can squeeze his!!!!"

"You don't mean that Rinnai.'

"WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK I DON'T MEAN WHAT I SAY!!!!!"

Dr. K turned to one of the remaining nurses, a female student, "Put the blood pressure cuff on her, let's get a reading."

"No you're not! I'm out of here!"'

The slim student nurse and the doctor tried to subdue their patient but she was proving too much for them.

At that moment Quistis rushed in, still in pajamas and bathrobe, blond hair disheveled. "Here, Rinnai. Rip the HELL out OT it!" She pushed the paper wrapped package into Rinnai's hands and watched as Rinnai settled back into the cot, her legs spread wide and groaning began to push.

Quistis moved backward to lean against the wall as the nurse and doctor began their work in earnest. Quistis marvelled at the courage of young mothers going through something like this, knowing anything could happen, a tragedy in a split second. Watched as Rinnai, sweating and in pain, kneaded that foam piece with energy Quistis didn't think she had. "Push!" "I'm PUSHING" "I see the head. Push some more Rinnai! AHHHWWW!" 

And there it was. A little boy. They wiped him off, cut the cord and placed him over Rinoa's heart. She smiled the widest smile she'd ever done in her life. 

"Quistis. You had it all the time?"

"The testicle thing? When Squall asked Irving to get one of those, well, you know Irving. Couldn't keep his mouth shut, ever. So I TOLD him to order two. I also know you. You're always losing things. Remember when you lost Angelo? Poor dog."

"And Squall? Where's he?"

"You see? Lost him too."

Dr. Kadawaki came over to admire the baby. "Squall is in the next bed. He's still out! He must have been in quite a strain to make him pass out cold like that. He'll be coming round soon."

"Poor baby. I mean Squall. He just couldn't take putting up with me and my hormonal changes. Well, things are going to be fine now. I'll make it up to him." She pushed wisps of baby hair across her little boy's forehead. 

"Thanks for saving the day, Quistis. For the testicle thing. And thanks Doctor, for my baby." Rinnai's eyes glowed back at them.

"Well," Doctor K beamed back, "wish Squall could have witnessed the birth."

Quistis drew back the curtain revealing Squall lying flat on his back. 

"Men." 

"They always find a way out, don't they?"

  
  


  



End file.
